HEY, I'M IN BLURR MODE RIGHT NOW
I bet it is because of i'm in stress
I found an interesting article bout something to do with this blur condition..
Its on Borderline personality.
"Being a borderline feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt those who I love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives me pleasure. Once in a great while I will get "too happy" and then anxious because of that. Then I self-medicate with alcohol. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'd feel too much guilt for those I'd hurt, and then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or O.D. to make all the feelings go away. Stress!"
Therapists use a book called "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual" (DSM) to make mental health diagnoses. They've outlined nine traits that borderlines seem to have in common; the presence of five or more of them may indicate BPD.
DSM-IV Definition of BPD
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
Following is a definition of splitting from the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me by Jerry Kreisman, M.D. From page 10:
The world of a BP, like that of a child, is split into heroes and villains. A child emotionally, the BP cannot tolerate human inconsistencies and ambiguities; he cannot reconcile anther is good and bad qualities into a constant coherent understanding of another person. At any particular moment, one is either Good or EVIL. There is no in-between; no gray area....people are idolized one day; totally devalued and dismissed the next.
Normal people are ambivalent and can experience two contradictory states atone time; BPs shift back and forth, entirely unaware of one feeling state while in the other.
When the idealized person finally disappoints (as we all do, sooner or later) the borderline must drastically restructure his one-dimensional conceptionalization. Either the idol is banished to the dungeon, or the borderline banishes himself in other to preserve the all-good image of the other person.
Splitting is intended to shield the BP from a barrage of contradictory feelings and images and from the anxiety of trying to reconcile those images. But splitting often achieves the opposite effect. The frays in the BP's personality become rips, and the sense of his own identity and the identity of others shifts even more dramatically and frequently.
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world.
There is no "pure" BPD; it coexists with other illnesses. These are the most common. BPD may coexist with:
Post traumatic stress disorder
Substance abuse (54% of BPs also have a problem with substance abuse)
Gender identity disorder
Attention deficit disorder
Multiple personality disorder
Impaired brain chemistry (treated with medications). The neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, acetylcholine, and norepinephrine may be involved.
Early environmental influences (anything from long-term isolation for an early infectious disease to severe physical or sexual abuse).
Triggers that bring on symptoms (such as divorce or adolescent traumas).
When a person with BPD allows themselves to be treated (denial is often part of the disorder), treatment generally consists of:
Medications, which are often successfully used to reduce depression, dampen emotional ups and downs, and put the brakes on excessive impulsivity. Antidepressants can help with depression, while mood stabilizers such as Depakote, Tegretol, or Lithium can help with mood swings. Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil may help control impulsivity, as may Effexor, a related antidepressant. Tegretol may be helpful for controlling excessive anger and irritability.
Therapy, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy. The major problems are finding a qualified therapist and getting the BP into therapy. Researcher Marsha Linehan’s cognitive-behavioral method of treatment, called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), has been shown in empirical research to help BPD patients experience less anger, less self-mutilation, and fewer inpatient psychiatric stays than patients who received other forms of treatment.